June 2004

“So you like Barbra Streisand?” the creepy Michael’s employee asked, indicating my What Would Barbra Do? t-shirt.

“Eh, I don’t know. I just thought it was a funny shirt… She’s okay.”

“I saw a thing on Saturday Night Live about her. They said she’s auctioning off all her possessions… and selling them on eGay.”

I laughed awkwardly.

8:42 pm Quotes Comments Off on WWBD


Apparently I did a lot of driving yesterday.

I drove from Costa Mesa to Santa Ana to Costa Mesa to San Juan Capistrano to another location in San Juan Capistrano to another location in San Juan Capistrano to Laguna Niguel to Dana Point to Costa Mesa to another location in Costa Mesa to Santa Ana to Orange to Anaheim to Westminster to Buena Park to Fullerton to Costa Mesa.

11:36 am Comments Off on Drive Me Crazy


Dude.

A Christmas Story 40″ Leg Lamp, only $179.99 from Toys ‘R’ Us/Amazon.com.

You know you want one.

10:03 am Comments Off on The Soft Glow of Electric Sex


A man at Starbucks, discussing my car with his friends:

“Well, it’s got a hula girl, and it says U-H-L-L, so I bet it’s from the University of Hawaii. University of Hawaii… hono-Lu-Lu or something.”

12:35 pm Quotes Comments Off on Quote of the Day


It’s true, folks. I sold out.

5:25 pm Comments Off on The New Napkin


This is Alex’s away message right now:

“how many emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? …. none. you let the fuckers cry in the dark”

And that, my friends, is just one of the many reasons why Alex is awesome.

9:38 am Quotes Comments Off on Don’t Be Emo


Kohl’s has stuffed hedgehogs for only $5 each, and the proceeds go to charity. So the only question is, how many hedgehogs do I want?

They’re great for throwing at people. They even curl up into a furry little ball.

You know what’s even more fun, though? Stuffed animals at the dollar store. I went to a dollar store in La Habra, for instance, that had meerkats (they’re sort of like prairie dogs) for $1 each.

Because really, how fabulous would it be to have thirty meerkats?

2:31 pm Comments Off on Hedgehog!


I went to Kohl’s yesterday. All of the mannequins had paper signs which read “DO NOT INVENTORY” taped to their arms. I suppose it was easier to photocopy dozens of “DO NOT INVENTORY” signs and Scotch tape them to all of the mannequins than to just make a general announcement to the employees about excluding mannequins from inventory.

2:06 pm Observations Comments Off on Don’t Even THINK of Doing Inventory Here


“I’m going to see the new Harry Potter movie,” I told my mom.

“Who are you going with?”

“Ashleigh, David, and Stephie. You don’t know them.”

“Is Ashleigh your girlfriend?”

My mom is so cool like that. And as my brother pointed out, she didn’t even ask if Stephie (or David, for that matter) was my girlfriend. She knew it was Ashleigh. And how did she know? Because she’s my mom, that’s how.

9:06 am Comments Off on My Mom’s Mom-Sense


Amie and I stalked Amanda and Amanda at Fry’s yesterday. We knew they were at Fry’s because they got lost several times and called me twice to ask for directions.

So Amie and I crept through the aisles Mission-Impossible-style, and we finally found them near the video accessories. We hid behind a pile of VCRs and pretended to be comparing the [exactly-the-same] boxes as employees walked by.

“Oh, I like this color,” Amie chimed in, crouched behind the pile of identical boxes.

“This one feels good,” I added, lifting a box slightly off the pile.

Then we raced over to the cell phone accessory aisle so we could have a side view of our prey. Of course, soon after we entered the cell phone accessory aisle, Amanda and Amanda walked down the very same aisle.

So Amie and I stood with our faces buried in the car power adapters, laughed way too loudly, and proclaimed our love for various adapters. Eventually the Amandas noticed us, and the game was sadly over.



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