The only real food I’ll eat at McDonald’s is the Chicken Select strips, and only with buffalo sauce. It just so happens that the McDonald’s around the corner is the one McDonald’s in the city that never has any buffalo sauce. So today, after my latest attempt to secure some Chicken Select strips with buffalo sauce to no avail, I sent the manager a letter:

Dear Sir or Madam:

I live just around the corner from your restaurant, and it is by far the most convenient McDonald’s location from my home. However, it has been difficult to order the food that I want from your restaurant.

My favorite item on the McDonald’s menu is the 5-Piece Chicken Select Meal. I only like the Chicken Select strips with Buffalo sauce, but your location does not seem to have Buffalo sauce. I’ve asked for it several times over the past year. At first I assumed it was just out of stock, but now it has become clear that you do not carry Buffalo sauce at any time. I don’t understand why; Buffalo sauce has been a regular part of the McDonald’s menu for several years now, and is one of the standard accompaniments for the Chicken Select strips. You carry the Chicken Select strips, why not the Buffalo sauce?

Whenever there’s no Buffalo sauce, I am forced to cancel my order. When I eat at McDonald’s, I’m eating there because I want a specific item from the McDonald’s menu. If you don’t have that, I don’t eat there, and you lose my business for the day. Please add Buffalo sauce to your menu so that I can become a regular customer. Thank you.

I seriously doubt this is going to have any effect, however, because this is New York–the city of New York-style customer service.