I can understand having some different scents to choose from, and maybe one with bleach, and one that’s free of dyes and perfumes. But I seriously counted no less than twenty different varieties of Tide laundry detergent at the store yesterday, each in three or four different sizes and “concentrations.”
I think it’s time for an intervention. Mr. Procter? Mr. Gamble? You need to stop creating new versions of Tide. You have a problem. I think it stems from some kind of insecurity. “What if the customers don’t like the Mountain Spring scent? We’d better make a Spring & Renewal scent too, just in case.”
I bought Cheer instead.
That’ll be funny if Clark Kent gets contacts, and then, like, everyone knows.
One of the most satisfying things about wearing corduroy pants is the “voop!” sound when you walk. Then again, maybe the “voop!” sound is reminding you that you have fat thighs. In that case, perhaps it’s less satisfying.
Sure enough, although it was, at its height, 63 degrees yesterday afternoon, today it’s snowing profusely.
It’s a very pretty snowstorm though, provided you’re looking at it through a window instead of standing in it. No snowstorm is pretty when you’re standing in it. It’s difficult to notice beauty when you’re being pelted in the eyes with it.
Does this ever happen to you? I cooked some cup-o-noodles, poured some Diet Coke, and then stirred the Diet Coke.
I just ate a salt bagel, so I’m now surrounded by a veritable quarry of salt on the floor of my cubicle. If only it were gold instead of salt. *Sigh*
Why would anyone want to have “Dinner with Shamu”? Like really, if I wanted whale snot on my food, I’d eat sushi.
You know you’re unfocused at work when you catch yourself spinning around and around in your task chair for the cheap high of dizziness.
I went to Kohl’s yesterday. All of the mannequins had paper signs which read “DO NOT INVENTORY” taped to their arms. I suppose it was easier to photocopy dozens of “DO NOT INVENTORY” signs and Scotch tape them to all of the mannequins than to just make a general announcement to the employees about excluding mannequins from inventory.
I wrapped all of my family’s presents, and I think I experienced the miracle of Hanukkah in the process. You see, I had only one package of tissue paper left, and I didn’t think it would be enough for all of the gift bags I’m giving. It seemed like a very scant amount of tissue. However, I ended up having just enough after all, and the temple was saved.
Sure enough, if you load ice cream onto a plastic spoon, pull back on the edge of the spoon, and then release it, the ice cream will fly foward.
Thank you, David, for allowing Danny to test this theory, and thank you, Starbucks, for providing napkins.
I think we’ve all noticed that if you crumple up the paper towels as you pull them from the dispenser, you’ll need at least two of them to completely dry your hands. However, I’ve come to the conclusion (after much experimentation) that if you leave the paper towel flat while you’re drying your hands, you’ll only need one towel to finish the job.
Of course, the surface area of the towel is the same regardless of whether you crumple it or leave it flat, so this doesn’t seem logical. But it’s true, I tell you, and I believe I know the reason for this odd phenomenon.
When you crumple the paper towel, you’re forcing parts of it to become wet without even touching your hands directly, because the water will soak through one layer onto another. Therefore, more of the towel’s surface area becomes moist (and can no longer assist in the drying process). By leaving it flat, you’ll notice that it gets much wetter overall, but that you have enough dry area to finish drying your hands before the whole towel is wet.
I’m thinking about why birds chirp. Amie says it’s because they’re hungry, but I don’t think that makes sense. There’s no reason for them to make a noise because they’re hungry unless they’re baby birds and they want their mother’s attention. When they’re adult birds, chirping for food would be like us standing in front of the microwave saying, “Make me dinner! Make me dinner!” And that’s just silly.
So the only good reason I can come up with is that they’re marking their territory. They want other birds to hear them and understand that. So I suppose that in bird language, “chirp” actually means… um… “My tree.”
Like this: (Real Audio) (Windows Media)
But then again, I know for a fact that they chirp during mating season too. I assume that the chirp sounds different during mating season, because it doesn’t make sense to attract members of the opposite sex (no offense to any gay birds out there) by saying, “My tree” (no offense to any dendropheliacs out there).
So I think that when they’re mating, they have a different chirp. For the sake of clarity, let’s call this other chirp a “tweet” instead. And in bird language, “tweet” actually means… um… “Nice shoes, wanna fuck?”
Hm. Birds don’t wear shoes. Damn. So in bird language, I guess “tweet” would have to mean… something different… like, “What’s your sign?” Oh wait! Even better: “Hey baby.”
Like this: (Real Audio) (Windows Media)