Propaganda Remix Project ©2006 by Micah Ian Wright

Cars in Southern California have become so ubiquitous, when I see more than two adults in a car, I actually think to myself, “That’s odd.” It seems much more commonplace, if a group of adults is going from one place to another, for each couple or individual to take their/his/her own car. Sadly, I suppose that’s why traffic is so bad here.

Image courtesy of commons.wikimedia.org

Every time someone in my family mentions Shoppers Drug Mart (a Canadian drug store chain), it sounds like a funny name to me. It seems like it has one too many words in it, and you could rearrange the words in any order and basically have the same store. I think that there should be competing stores called “Druggies Mart Shop” and “Martyrs Shop Drug.”

All these soccer games got me thinking about what a great invention the rubber (née animal-skin) “ball” was, especially since every culture seems to play some kind of sport or game involving a ball. I can only assume that it was invented concurrently in many places (not by one person or even a group of people in one specific place) and must have been preceded by a coconut or gourd. Still, I think that when even a coconut or gourd is used for the purpose of playing a game, it is a ball. Clearly the ball has been around for a very long time, and yet it basically only serves one purpose: recreation. Still, I think it’s safe to say it’s the greatest invention since the wheel.

Then again, I’m only assuming that the wheel was invented first. In fact, I doubt that’s true. Perhaps someone out there can correct me because I’m not about to start researching it. But the more I think about it, it seems to me that cavemen may have played with a ball before ever having any use for a wheel.

Meanwhile, saying that it’s “the greatest invention since…” also got me thinking about how people say that something is “the greatest invention since sliced bread.” Now, I have a huge problem with that cliche. Think about this:

Bread was a terrific invention. It’s an easy way to get grains in your diet, it’s useful in many different ways (put it around meat, make it into pudding, pour soup inside it), it doesn’t get your fingers messy when you’re holding it, and it generally tastes good. It took a lot of time and effort for people to invent bread, and it comes in many different shapes, sizes, textures, colors, and can be made from many different ingredients.

Sliced bread, on the other hand, was an incredibly lazy “invention.” Someone just took bread, which already existed, and decided to slice it and package it. Before that, people sliced it themselves. It took all of half a minute with a good knife. The invention of sliced bread maybe saves you half a minute each time you buy a loaf of bread, and it doesn’t really solve a problem (unless you were without a bread knife, but even then you could still tear the bread with your hands).

So if something is only the greatest invention since sliced bread, I would argue it’s not a very imaginative or useful invention. Conversely, if something is the greatest invention since “ball,” well, that’s actually quite impressive!

Despite their high price tag and countless standard features, I’ve noticed that BMW vehicles don’t come with turn signals. I don’t even think it’s an option. With all that German engineering, it seems like they could figure out how to put a little blinking light on the back of the car that lets other drivers know when they’re about to be cut off. What a horrible oversight!

My uncle wrote a reflective essay today about his 51st birthday (today). It seems he’s wearing the same black sweater today that he was wearing on his eighteenth birthday, immortalized in a photo from Yosemite. Apparently that black sweater had an even longer history: it had been passed down to him from my father, who also had it as a teenager. My mother commented that “they don’t make sweaters like they used to.” I disagree whole-heartedly. I think they do make sweaters like they used to; they just don’t make consumers like they used to.

Is anyone else upset by the removal of the letter e from the names of web sites? It was bad enough when it was just flickr, tumblr, and a few others, but then I heard about a site called toggl today, so I feel it’s worth bringing this up again. I don’t think other vowels are being attacked at this rate, and that’s just not fair. It’s time to mix it up a little with the missing vowels, people. I was going to suggest creating a medical site called doctr, for instance, but apparently that’s already been done. Good job! We’ve got a lot of catching up to do, though. Actors, please make actr, or if that’s already been done, how about ctor? For vitamins, how about vtamns? I could think of others, but that’s your job.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with Liberty Tax Service, but they hire people to dress up like the Statue of Liberty to promote the company’s services around this time of the year. Anyway, I was at the supermarket getting tortillas and envelopes (like ya’ do), and I witnessed the Statue of Liberty buying a lottery ticket. What an uncomfortable statement about the welfare of our country.

I can understand having some different scents to choose from, and maybe one with bleach, and one that’s free of dyes and perfumes. But I seriously counted no less than twenty different varieties of Tide laundry detergent at the store yesterday, each in three or four different sizes and “concentrations.”

I think it’s time for an intervention. Mr. Procter? Mr. Gamble? You need to stop creating new versions of Tide. You have a problem. I think it stems from some kind of insecurity. “What if the customers don’t like the Mountain Spring scent? We’d better make a Spring & Renewal scent too, just in case.”

I bought Cheer instead.

That’ll be funny if Clark Kent gets contacts, and then, like, everyone knows.

One of the most satisfying things about wearing corduroy pants is the “voop!” sound when you walk. Then again, maybe the “voop!” sound is reminding you that you have fat thighs. In that case, perhaps it’s less satisfying.