We have a lot of coffeehouses here in SoCal, and I’m sure that by now you have a lot of them where you are, too. I think they were originally a big thing in Seattle.

Anyway, occasionally one of my friends will suggest going to get coffee, which really means going to act trendy. I don’t have anything against coffee, but I’ve noticed that whenever we go to these places, you could cut the pretentiousness with a knife.

First, you’re only cool if you really know what every single kind of coffee is. And the longer the name of the drink you order, the better. Anything that includes a “shot of espresso” is really cool. If you order a Snapple or something instead of coffee, then you’re out.

Then, you have to sit down and have some kind of deep, philosophical conversation. Now, I can be deep when I want to, so that’s not the problem, but it’s like everyone at the coffeehouse is just having these conversations because it’s trendy. No one’s actually listening to anyone else; they’re all just interested in themselves, and particularly in how well they can seem interested in anything EXCEPT themselves. But they’re just not that convincing.

Of course, I understand this, so I go there all the time.