Tonight, my faithful audience, I played pool.

Eight-ball, to be exact, but that’s not even important. The important thing is this: For the life of me, I simply cannot play pool.

Honestly, I understand the game–get your type of balls in the pockets (stripes or solids depending on the first ball sunk), don’t sink the other type, don’t sink the eight-ball, and don’t sink the cue ball–pretty simple, right?

It would seem so.

This game is actually much more difficult than I had imagined. In fact, it is downright evil, basically because it seems simple but is actually not. At least, not for me.

You see, the game of pool requires a skill which I have, as of yet, never possessed…aim. I cannot aim. Heck, I couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with my cue stick, let alone a cue ball.

I could swear that the cue stick is lined up straight, but as soon as I push it, a magic breeze comes out of nowhere, blows across the cue stick, and I end up sending the cue ball to the only spot on the table not occupied by other balls.

Come to think of it, I wonder if there is some kind of repelling force inside the ball. I’ll have to check for magnets next time.

Occasionally I hit a ball directly into a pocket. It is invariably the cue ball.

After two long, aggravating games tonight, I have come up with a few changes I would like to make to the rules of eight-ball…

1. A player should be allowed to hit again if he only manages to brush the side of the cue ball with his cue stick, thus sending the cue ball on a two-inch journey.
2. It should be a requirement that signs be posted around the pool table with the following two statements in bold print:
   • The cue ball is the white one.
   • Do not sink the eight-ball.
3. A player should be allowed to hit again if he successfully bounces the cue ball off all four sides of the table without hitting any other balls, and then sinks the cue ball.

I for one refuse to play this game again until these new rules have been added. I think that is only fair. As for now, I am going to work on my table tennis swing.

I remember doing homework once. The last question on the worksheet was, “How do you feel?” I had to do it just to get to that question. All I ever wanted was to answer that, and no one ever let me. Finally, when I had the chance, I did. I recall writing a two-page answer. Maybe three. The rest of the homework took up half a page. I only did it so I could answer that last question: “How do you feel?”

I hated homework. I still do. Everyone hates homework, I know, but with me it seems to be more personal. It was homework that ruled my life and told me when I could or could not leave the house, watch television, write stories, listen to music, get up and dance, or even eat. I had to get that homework done. It should have been my first priority.

It was not my first priority. It will always be my last. I finally decided to rise against this evil oppressor. I decided never to do homework again. It was, and still is, my greatest cause in the world. Some may fight for the rights of animals or trees–I fight for the rights of students.

Long ago, a bill was proposed in my school district to ban homework from the schools. Many members of the board felt that homework took time away from children that they could otherwise spend with their families. They felt, as I do, that work belongs at work or school–not at home.

I must clarify, in fear of hypocrisy, that working from home is a different matter. I work from home. I build web sites from my home computer. That is my job. However, this is not work that I have brought home from the office. I have no office. If I did have an office, I would not do any of that work at home. I would do it in the office. That is what offices are for. Schools are like offices. We go there for many hours every day. We work there. When the day at the office, or the classroom, is finished, we would like to come home and not feel it constantly looming over us.

When I think of school, I think of homework. I do not think of friends, clubs, concerts, or football games. I think of homework. It simply ruins the memories.

And that is exactly how I answered the last question on my worksheet.