Tonight, my faithful audience, I played pool.

Eight-ball, to be exact, but that’s not even important. The important thing is this: For the life of me, I simply cannot play pool.

Honestly, I understand the game–get your type of balls in the pockets (stripes or solids depending on the first ball sunk), don’t sink the other type, don’t sink the eight-ball, and don’t sink the cue ball–pretty simple, right?

It would seem so.

This game is actually much more difficult than I had imagined. In fact, it is downright evil, basically because it seems simple but is actually not. At least, not for me.

You see, the game of pool requires a skill which I have, as of yet, never possessed…aim. I cannot aim. Heck, I couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with my cue stick, let alone a cue ball.

I could swear that the cue stick is lined up straight, but as soon as I push it, a magic breeze comes out of nowhere, blows across the cue stick, and I end up sending the cue ball to the only spot on the table not occupied by other balls.

Come to think of it, I wonder if there is some kind of repelling force inside the ball. I’ll have to check for magnets next time.

Occasionally I hit a ball directly into a pocket. It is invariably the cue ball.

After two long, aggravating games tonight, I have come up with a few changes I would like to make to the rules of eight-ball…

1. A player should be allowed to hit again if he only manages to brush the side of the cue ball with his cue stick, thus sending the cue ball on a two-inch journey.
2. It should be a requirement that signs be posted around the pool table with the following two statements in bold print:
   • The cue ball is the white one.
   • Do not sink the eight-ball.
3. A player should be allowed to hit again if he successfully bounces the cue ball off all four sides of the table without hitting any other balls, and then sinks the cue ball.

I for one refuse to play this game again until these new rules have been added. I think that is only fair. As for now, I am going to work on my table tennis swing.