Whenever I hear a commercial
For mountain spring water,
I see this cartoon in my head…

A bottle of water with a spring on its bottom
Is jumping over a mountain,
Going, “Yippee!”

Actually,
I don’t normally imagine the “Yippee!” part,
But I did this time.

Did you?

We were watching Monsters, Inc. at Jonathan’s house, and it came to the scene where an octopus-like monster is preparing several dishes simultaneously at the sushi restaurant using his many tentacles.

So Jonathan said, “I wish I had more than one arm.”

I’m thinking about why birds chirp. Amie says it’s because they’re hungry, but I don’t think that makes sense. There’s no reason for them to make a noise because they’re hungry unless they’re baby birds and they want their mother’s attention. When they’re adult birds, chirping for food would be like us standing in front of the microwave saying, “Make me dinner! Make me dinner!” And that’s just silly.

So the only good reason I can come up with is that they’re marking their territory. They want other birds to hear them and understand that. So I suppose that in bird language, “chirp” actually means… um… “My tree.”

Like this: (Real Audio) (Windows Media)

But then again, I know for a fact that they chirp during mating season too. I assume that the chirp sounds different during mating season, because it doesn’t make sense to attract members of the opposite sex (no offense to any gay birds out there) by saying, “My tree” (no offense to any dendropheliacs out there).

So I think that when they’re mating, they have a different chirp. For the sake of clarity, let’s call this other chirp a “tweet” instead. And in bird language, “tweet” actually means… um… “Nice shoes, wanna fuck?”

Hm. Birds don’t wear shoes. Damn. So in bird language, I guess “tweet” would have to mean… something different… like, “What’s your sign?” Oh wait! Even better: “Hey baby.”

Like this: (Real Audio) (Windows Media)

The book The Orchid Thief by Susan Orlean is the true story of John Laroche, a Florida man who is obsessed with orchids.

Anyway, apparently The Orchid Thief was supposed to be adapted into a movie by screenwriter Charlie Kaufman. But he had so much trouble writing the screenplay, he decided instead to write a screenplay about himself trying to write the movie of The Orchid Thief.

The result is Adaptation, written by Charlie Kaufman, directed by Spike Jonez (who directed Being John Malkovich), and starring Nicolas Cage as Charlie Kaufman, Meryl Streep as Susan Orlean, Chris Cooper as John Laroche, and Nicolas Cage (again) as Charlie‘s twin brother, Donald.

Are you dizzy yet? I am. And I can’t wait to see it.

Writing, for me, was all about pain.

Obviously if you’re in emotional pain, you have something to write about, but I meant physical pain. My right ring finger hurts when I write. And I think that’s why it’s easier for me to express emotion when I write than when I type. Typing is quick, smooth, and easy. I can type at least three times as quickly as I can write. But writing is so much more… painful.

And that pain acts as a motivator. It’s a restraint, and restraints breed creativity. If ever word hurts, I choose them more carefully. If I write slowly, I forget the unimportant ideas and leave them out. I’m left with just what I wanted to say.

I used to write all day long, everyday when I was in school. I also used to write all day long, everyday when I was on vacation. I bought those micro-perforated three-hole-punched college-lined one-hundred-sheet Mead notebooks and filled them up using the endless supply of silver Parker Jotters from my parents’ house.

When I wanted to write big, I wrote big. When I wanted to write soft, I wrote soft. And when I wrote hard, it hurt more. Feeling everything I wrote, physically, in my hand, made me care a lot more about what I was writing. Seeing every word in my awful, ugly, childish handwriting made it seem so much more effective.

Now I’ve become accustomed to typing, and all I ever write is my name or the tip and total on a charge receipt. And I think that’s sad.

I just got great customer service from AT&T Wireless. Normally I get horrible customer service from every company with which I do business, but AT&T Wireless is often an exception–especially today.

I bought my new wireless phone at the end of August, and the price was higher than I would have liked, but it’s a cool phone. I got it because I wanted to upgrade to their new voice and data network, which they had just begun offering in Southern California a few days prior. Then, a couple of weeks later, I noticed they were offering a fifty dollar rebate on the phone.

I called AT&T Wireless to find out if I was eligible for the rebate based on the date when I bought the phone (which was a possibility). Unfortunately, I had bought the phone too early. Then, without my even asking, the woman on the phone did some looking around, and she found out that I was eligible for “loyal customer” status. So she gave me a fifty dollar “loyal customer” service credit. Not only did I get the fifty dollars, but I also saved myself the hassle of filling out a rebate form, mailing it in, and waiting six to eight weeks for a check!

So yeah, I’m really happy with AT&T Wireless right now. They exhibited concern for customer satisfaction, and I really appreciate that. Now if only AT&T Broadband was the same way…

Tonight is the first rehearsal for Company.

I’ve been listening to the revival cast recording to try and familiarize myself with the music. I wish I had the original cast recording because it’s much better, but I ordered it from BMG (for five dollars), so I have to wait a couple of weeks to receive it. I can see it’s going to be difficult to learn the lyrics because there are many lists and repetitions. The harmonies shouldn’t be too difficult, though; they seem very obvious.

Overall, I’m excited about the show. It’ll be fun to work with Masaya, as usual. We’ve had amazing stage chemistry since the first time we read together during Good News auditions. I assume this show won’t be much different for us, although it’s kind of weird that Stan (her boyfriend) is in it too, but I’m the one playing her character’s (soon-to-be) husband. Meanwhile, his character is married to one of her best friends. Dizzying, isn’t it?

I read an article on Sondheim.com about the differences between the original production and the revival, and I think it will be interesting to see which script Ron uses. Knowing Ron, he’ll use parts of each script. The biggest question, though, is whether he’ll set it in 1970 like the original, 1995 like the revival, or another year altogether (like the present, for instance). The show expresses attitudes about marriage, drugs, smoking, and sexism, so it has to take place in a specific time. Of course, you can change the attitudes to reflect the time period of your choice, which is what they did for the revival. According to the article, however, the 1970 version was too firmly grounded in 1970 and therefore not appropriate for a current audience, while the 1995 version seemed out-of-place. So it remains to be seen whether Ron’s version will solve either of these problems.

Incidentally, I read another article about a really bad production of Company at a college, and it’s really funny. Hopefully ours will be better.

So you know how the online dictionaries (such as Merriam-Webster and Encarta) now have audio samples for every word to demonstrate how they’re pronounced? Well, it was only a matter of time before some extremely creative people decided that it would be fun to use this as a form of entertainment:

http://www.dictionaraoke.org