I’m thinking about why birds chirp. Amie says it’s because they’re hungry, but I don’t think that makes sense. There’s no reason for them to make a noise because they’re hungry unless they’re baby birds and they want their mother’s attention. When they’re adult birds, chirping for food would be like us standing in front of the microwave saying, “Make me dinner! Make me dinner!” And that’s just silly.

So the only good reason I can come up with is that they’re marking their territory. They want other birds to hear them and understand that. So I suppose that in bird language, “chirp” actually means… um… “My tree.”

Like this: (Real Audio) (Windows Media)

But then again, I know for a fact that they chirp during mating season too. I assume that the chirp sounds different during mating season, because it doesn’t make sense to attract members of the opposite sex (no offense to any gay birds out there) by saying, “My tree” (no offense to any dendropheliacs out there).

So I think that when they’re mating, they have a different chirp. For the sake of clarity, let’s call this other chirp a “tweet” instead. And in bird language, “tweet” actually means… um… “Nice shoes, wanna fuck?”

Hm. Birds don’t wear shoes. Damn. So in bird language, I guess “tweet” would have to mean… something different… like, “What’s your sign?” Oh wait! Even better: “Hey baby.”

Like this: (Real Audio) (Windows Media)