My cousin Danielle went to see The Gates a couple weeks ago, and she later confided, “I’m glad I saw them because they’re such a big deal, but to be honest I really don’t get it!”

I’m glad she said that because she’s my cousin and it’s good for me to get along with her. See, I decided I only get along with people who don’t get them. Those people who say, “Oh, they’re beautiful, this art is so amazing,” are not people I can communicate with very well. They’re like people who’ve never seen Star Wars; we have little common ground.

I think only real New Yorkers think they’re beautiful. And that’s prob’ly because it’s been a long time since they’ve seen, for instance, a bright orange sunset, which–on the scale of beauty of bright orange things–is a lot higher than bright orange fabric on bright orange steel.

Oh, sorry, I meant saffron, not orange.