When they started talking about evacuation in the event of a water landing, I swear I heard exactly this:

“These slides may also be used as rats.”

And then, as if that wasn’t funny enough, they followed up with this:

“Large live rats are also on board.”

Beth looked over my paperwork and commented, “I know some of the people on your résumé.”

After a few more moments of perusal, she clarified, “Actually, I know everyone on your résumé.”

“Well, I hope they liked me,” I replied.

“A good analogy is like a diagonal frog.”

– Kai Krause’s Example Dilemma (from edge.org)

Matt finally dyed his hair black last night. He obviously wants to be just like me.

I was considering dying my hair as well (some crazy color, like pink), but then I had a conversation with Nicole about it, and of course one’s crush is the single person who can talk him out of any decision.

“Isn’t it already black?” she asked.

“Yes, it’s black,” I verified, “so I can’t dye it black.”

“Well then, I don’t think you should dye it anything,” she said. “I thin k= black looks good on you.”

A moment later she added, “Ahh stupid keyboard.”

Her: yo
Me: mlaah.
Her: have fun last night
Me: i’ll try to.
Her: huh

And then I signed off. Ha ha… stupid Amanda and her stupid lack of question marks.

“Who’s car is that?”

“It’s Dave’s. In G.”

“In where?”

“G.”

“Oh, right here?”

“Yeah. Dave. Dave or David.”

“It’s a guy’s car?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. A guy’s?”

“Yeah, he’s kinda… kinda… quiet.”

“Attention in the terminal. Would the passenger who left a red shirt at the security checkpoint please return to pick it up.”

You would think they’d have an easy time finding the one topless passenger in the terminal and returning his or her shirt.

So Amanda and I were at the Spectrum with her friend Amanda, and we were talking about what code we could use to refer to a girl with her fat stomach sticking out of her too-small shirt. Amanda’s friend Amanda suggested that we just say, “Fatty McFat-Fat” or “Look at that fatty with her fat fat sticking out of her fatty shirt.” She’s not into subtlety. I wanted to use something more like “the ground beef is leaving the sausage” or something that just hints at the idea without giving it away.

Anyway, then I had to leave because I needed to go home and move my laundry. When I had accomplished this, I messaged Amanda and simply said, “The laundry is out of the dryer.”

So yeah, that’s the code.

Yesterday Amie made a typo while talking to me online. She misspelled the word “awkward” as “awkwark.” I liked her new word instantly because it was really funny-looking, and then I quickly discovered that “awkwark” is really fun to say out loud too!

We had a meeting at work today to learn about our company’s Code of Business Conduct, which includes rules like “always say please and thank you” and “don’t launder money.” The meeting was led by Robin, who is the head of Human Resources for our parent company.

While discussing the rule of “no violence,” Robin mentioned that part of her job is to fire people, so she specifically requested an office with no windows because she was concerned about disgruntled former employees trying to “get” her.

I wanted to ask, “Does it have a vent?” but I restrained myself.