I was home alone tonight, watching “Jeopardy,” because that’s how lame I am. The category was state capitals, and the answer for $400 was, “It’s name means red stick.”

So I said, out loud, in a thick, fake French accent, “Baton Rouge!” (Take a moment and picture me doing this, out loud, all alone in my apartment.)

Then Alex called on the contestant who buzzed in first, and he said “Baton Rouge” in the exact same thick, fake French accent.

It was funny. Never mind.

My mom called me and said, “I need to go to the Main Place Mall. That’s pretty close to you, so do you want to join me for lunch?”

And then before I could answer, she said, “Oh wait! I meant Cerritos Mall. Never mind.”

Apparently she called a whole bunch of Eddie Bauers to find a specific item, and then she momentarily forgot which one actually had the item.

So yeah… I got dissed by my mom.

My friend Amanda has the greatest away message on right now:

“Sleep. Final tomorrow. NO MORE GOVERNMENT EVER!”

At first glance, it may seem like it’s about a class at school, but actually, she’s an apocalyptic anarchist.

After rehearsal last night, Amie, Amanda, and I were discussing going to see a movie after Saturday night’s performance. Amanda yelled out, “Ooh! I wanna see The Ring!”

Roxanne, who was approaching us at the time, got this really shocked look on her face all of a sudden. With much excitement, she asked Amie, “You’re engaged?!?!”

I needed red dye for part of the Halloween costume I’m making. So I went to Michaels yesterday to buy some. The dye I got is called “One-Step Fabric Dye,” and on the side of the box, it lists three steps.

There’s an entire category on Yahoo! for animations based on misheard lyrics, and boy does that make me happy when I’m bored. My absolute favorite in this category is “Let the Bodies Hit the Flo!”, misheard and animated by Kimbo.

We were watching Monsters, Inc. at Jonathan’s house, and it came to the scene where an octopus-like monster is preparing several dishes simultaneously at the sushi restaurant using his many tentacles.

So Jonathan said, “I wish I had more than one arm.”

“When it comes to passing, nobody beats the Bear Bads.”

– A wife on “The Newleywed Game,” filling in the blank regarding which football team is the best

“You know when we should go to Knott’s Berry Farm? If the terrorists hit America again, we should go. C’mon terrorists! Please!”

– Amie