It’s time for my 45,000 mile scheduled maintenance, which is basically an oil change.

When I bought my car from McKenna Volkswagen in Huntington Beach, I purchased a Scheduled Maintenance Package, which was supposed to cover all scheduled maintenance up to 65,000 miles. This cost several hundred dollars; it was not a free incentive or anything. I paid for it. In advance.

I called to schedule an appointment. I explained to Jon that I have a pre-paid Scheduled Maintenance Package, and I wanted to make sure the 45,000 mile scheduled maintenance was covered by it. He told me that “it doesn’t cover maintenance.” I gave up on Jon immediately.

I called again and spoke to Chip. I explained to Chip what had happened with Jon, and Chip said, “There’s no such thing as a Scheduled Maintenance Package. Do you have some kind of paperwork for this?”

I said, “Yes, it says Scheduled Maintenance Package. Four years. Service must be performed at McKenna Volkswagen.”

Chip responded, “Are you sure you bought it from us?” Needless to say, I gave up on Chip as well.

Now I’m going to have to bring all of my receipts with me to the dealership and prove to them that I paid for a Scheduled Maintenance Package from McKenna Volkswagen. This wouldn’t be quite so annoying except that I’ve done it three times already, at 30, 35, and 40,000 miles.

Yesterday morning, ants invaded my car. I counter-attacked with Pine-Scented Raid, and now my car smells like (no, not pine) Raid. So I left the windows open all day yesterday and all night last night, but I can still smell it. Every time I drive the car now, I get all woozy and my eyes water a whole lot.

I’m not sure how or why they did it. It seems like they had to climb up the tires, climb through the wheels and onto the axle, climb up through the drivetrain, and so forth. Remember, they’re ants. They can’t jump. They just crawl. That seems like a lot of effort, especially considering that there wasn’t anything remotely interesting (to an ant) inside the car. There wasn’t any food anywhere. There might have been an empty soda can in the trash, but the ants weren’t even near there. They were mostly on the inside of the door jams. Stupid ants.

My boss said that’s what I get for driving a “bug.”

I’m upset that the proposition to separate the San Fernando Valley from the rest of Los Angeles didn’t pass. The proposition had overwhelming support in the Valley itself, but the entire city of Los Angeles had to approve it (by a majority, of course) in order for it to pass, and people in the rest of Los Angeles mostly voted against it.

I don’t think it’s right for Los Angeles to hold them hostage like that. If they want to secede, they should be allowed to. Frankly, I feel that way about the Civil War (or, “War Between the States”) too, but that’s another story.

For weeks now, I’ve been coming home to find a caterpillar in my apartment. He’s usually on the linoleum in the entryway or on the carpet in the living room. Once he was all the way in the bedroom. Every time I find him inside, I put him outside, but eventually he gets back inside again. He’s too big to fit under the door, so I think he hides quietly by the door jam and waits, and then when I open the door, he stealthily scurries into the apartment.

I’m not sure why he wants to be inside. It’s my understanding that caterpillars need leaves or trees (or something), and I don’t have either. There’s a perfectly good tree right outside my apartment, but no, he wants to be in here with me.

He’s cute, too. He’s not icky like a bug; he’s fuzzy and you can pet him. When I pick him up to move him, he curls up and pretends to be a fuzzy, black Cheerio. He doesn’t fool me, though; he’s a caterpillar, not a Cheerio.

I would keep him as a pet (and I think that’s exactly what he wants), but I really don’t know how to care for a caterpillar properly. I think he’d be better off in the wild than in captivity.

So today, when I found him sneaking up the door jam, waiting for me to come home, I decided to put him in the tree out front. He hasn’t come back yet; hopefully he’s happy with the tree and will make it his new home. Part of me will miss him, though, so I’ll prob’ly go out to the tree and visit him every once in a while to make sure he’s okay. Perhaps he’ll come visit me too.

Everyone needs to check out the hairstyle that Concert Date Ken is sporting. One reviewer actually said, “Concert Date Ken looks real cool in his new hairdo.”

I personally think it looks like he’s wearing a fuzzy hunting cap.

Last night at Downtown Disney, there were hundreds of people standing in the courtyard outside the movie theaters, watching the final game of the World Series on a giant television screen.

Amie, Jonathan, and I just wanted to go to Rainforest Cafe to have a Volcano (if you’ve never had one, you’re really missing out), and it didn’t occur to us that there would be a huge crowd at Downtown Disney watching the game.

We went up to the elephant and told the hosts that we had a party of three. We were expecting to have to wait between forty-five minutes and two hours, just like usual. But then an amazing thing happened: They seated us immediately! There was no wait whatsoever! Apparently although there was a huge crowd outside the restaurant, there was barely anyone inside the restaurant.

Unfortunately, both Amie and Jonathan ate way too much food and ended up feeling really sick. And then when we were leaving the restaurant, the game ended, so we had to make a mad dash for the car to avoid the exiting crowds.

If you didn’t already think the U.S. was psycho-paranoid about marijuana, this article from CNN should provide some enlightenment. Apparently Canada is considering lowering the penalties for possession of marijuana (not even legalizing it; just making it slightly less illegal), and the U.S. is up in arms about it.

I’m not even a user, and this still pisses me off. The U.S. is concerned that as a result of this change, marijuana will be smuggled more frequently from Canada into the U.S. Meanwhile, people from the U.S. are smuggling guns into Canada because the U.S. gun control laws are more relaxed. Which country do you think has more cause for concern?

I finally decided to give up discretion completely and mount my USB FM Radio antenna on the top of my cubicle wall, where I can actually obtain something that resembles mediocre reception. Hopefully coworkers in my office will think I’m using it to receive vital information for selling audiobooks on our web site, when in fact I’m using it to get Kevin and Bean.

When I’m at my apartment, my phone says “Cingular” instead of “AT&T Wireless.” This has been happening for about a week.

I called AT&T to complain, and they said, sure enough, one of the cell towers is down in my area, and that’s why my phone is picking up Cingular coverage instead. However, when it does that, it’s roaming. And even though I’m on the “national” plan, I don’t get free roaming.

Of course, when I see that the phone says “Cingular,” I can just choose not to place a call from it, and therefore not incur roaming charges. In fact, when I’m at home (which is the only place I have this problem), I generally place calls from my home phone anyway.

Unfortunately, when I receive a call, the caller ID box fills the entire screen, and I can’t see which network the phone is using. So if I answer a wireless call while I’m at home, I might or might not be roaming, and if I’m roaming, I’ll be charged for it.

I asked AT&T if I can receive credit for any roaming charges incurred on incoming calls I receive while I’m at home, but they said that wasn’t possible. They will charge me for roaming regardless of whether the phone indicates that I’m roaming, and I cannot contest the charges. As an added bonus, they have no idea when my local cell tower will be operational again.

So if you’re calling me, please try my home phone first.

I went to Target to get a gift card for my friend Valerie, who’s celebrating her twenty-eighth birthday tonight. I paid for the gift card with my credit card, and along with my credit card receipt, the clerk also handed me a gift receipt.

You know, in case she decides to return the gift card and get something else instead.