This week on The Apprentice, the two teams (which are referred to as “corporations,” although I like to think of them as “tribes”) were asked to create advertising campaigns for a private jet rental company. It was amazing to me that one team’s campaign could outshine the other’s by so many orders of magnitude. The women are majorly kicking the men’s asses on this show. They chose a better name for their team (Protégé) than the men (Versacorp), they made four times as much profit as the men from selling lemonade on the first episode, and they created an edgy, daring, effective advertising campaign while the men created middle-school-level crap.

“A good analogy is like a diagonal frog.”

– Kai Krause’s Example Dilemma (from edge.org)

Tonight was pretty cool. Krysta is friends with Rick Cornette, who plays Jamie in The Last Five Years. Long story short, I got to have a piece of Rick’s birthday cake and talk with him backstage about his interpretation of the show. And David knows Kim Huber, so I got to chat with her a bit as well.

In theory, Number Portability was supposed to force wireless companies to provide better customer service (in an effort to keep their customers). Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that AT&T Wireless customer service has gotten considerably worse since Number Portability went into effect on November 24. Quite literally, it was still great as of November 23, and it’s been completely horrid since the 24th. It’s as if they fired half their representatives on that day and only kept the incompetent ones. Every time I’ve called since then, they’ve claimed to do what I’ve asked of them but have neglected to actually do it. And the hold times seem to get longer and longer.

Today was no exception. I was on hold for thirty-five minutes before I could speak to a representative.

“I’d like to remove Multimedia Messaging,” I said. (I had asked them to remove it a month earlier, but when I received my December bill, I saw that they had failed to do so.)

“You’d like to remove Text Messaging?”

“No, Multimedia Messaging. For $2.99 a month.”

“Okay, is that the same as mMode Data? $12.99 a month?”

“No. Multimedia Messaging. $2.99 a month.”

And so it went. Ten minutes later, she had successfully done what I’d asked. I even made her read back to me a list of services still on my account so as to verify that the correct one had been removed. Now I’ll wait till next month to see if she accidentally removed my calling plan or something.

This afternoon I saw the very first public preview of The Last Five Years at the Laguna Playhouse.

And yeah, my ex was there. How apropos.

I’ve been invited to a bunch of different happenings on New Year’s Eve, including Amanda’s concert (which I must attend) and a bunch of parties.

At first I thought I’d go to the concert (which is earlier in the evening) and then party-hop all night long. However, I realized I won’t be happy doing that. New Year’s isn’t about making appearances and cameos. It’s about spending time with the people who will set the tone for the upcoming year.

On other holidays, it’s fun to see long-distance friends who are home from out of town, old friends who are back in touch, et al. Contrarily, I think that New Year Eve’s should be spent with (as boring as it might sound) the people you see every day. They’re the ones who will be with you during the new year, and that’s what you’re celebrating, so it just plain makes sense.

So after the concert, I’ll be at 820, and that’s where I’ll stay all night and all morning.

I wrapped all of my family’s presents, and I think I experienced the miracle of Hanukkah in the process. You see, I had only one package of tissue paper left, and I didn’t think it would be enough for all of the gift bags I’m giving. It seemed like a very scant amount of tissue. However, I ended up having just enough after all, and the temple was saved.

Sure enough, if you load ice cream onto a plastic spoon, pull back on the edge of the spoon, and then release it, the ice cream will fly foward.

Thank you, David, for allowing Danny to test this theory, and thank you, Starbucks, for providing napkins.

So I was looking at my can of English Toffee Cappuccino mix, and I was quite upset when I noticed that it says “99.7% caffeine free.” After all, the reason I drink this stuff is for the caffeine.

Then I thought, wait a second, how many milligrams of caffeine are in each serving if it’s “99.7% caffeine free”?

Well, a serving is supposedly about 14 grams, so that’s 14,000 milligrams. And 0.3% of 14,000 is 42. So there are actually 42 milligrams of caffeine in each serving, which is about the same as a can of Coke. Sure, it’s about half the caffeine in a normal shot of espresso or cup of coffee, but I usually make twice as much anyway. So yeah. Stupid can.

The following just occurred to me while sitting at Starbucks. When friends give me toys as gag gifts, I should donate them to a toy drive, such as Toys for Tots or Starbucks Holiday Angels. Naturally I’d wait until the year after the toys are received (because it’s nice to display them for a while and revel in the humor of my friends), but after a year, they’re just taking up space (the toys, not the friends). Donating them to a good cause is the right thing to do. Unless, of course, I can get a good price for them on eBay.